You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
this just has baby written all over it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What drink are we having for lunch?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
