i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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