can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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