Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
