this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
