if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
