I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
