when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
