When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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