This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
bring money and cleavage
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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