Banned from zoo.
Again?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
