Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize