Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
