someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
