1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize