your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
