he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
