Got a toothbrush?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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