if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
