She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
