I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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