You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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