I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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