Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
