Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
