I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
