Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Randomize
