Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
