why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
