i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
