Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
