she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
