I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
