What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
