Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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