I'm going to rape someone's good day.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
cat food counts as protein by the way
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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