I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
