Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
