I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
