You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
