You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is it because I queefed?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
