i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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