Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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