she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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