Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
