College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think people are normalizing furries
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
