Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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