I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
