I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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