Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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