Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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