I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize