I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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