He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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