Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You're like the curious george of whores
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
