Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
