The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
