Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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