i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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