Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
