finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
