she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
