My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
