i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
