He disabled his match.com account in front of me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
