i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
