Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
