I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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