The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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