Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
