Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
