so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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