Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
