The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
