She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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