The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
