I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
