Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize