i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just want nice things and good sex
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
