It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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